Avoiding Miscommunications in Relationships

           Communication is often named the most important part of relationships, and poor communication is often named as a reason why ‘things did not work out’. In the article, Close Relationships Sometimes Mask Poor Communication (Anonymous, 2011), the author describes how couples often have an illusion of good communication, while actually they are misunderstanding each other. The article makes some very good points about not getting too comfortable in your day to day
conversations and making sure that your spouse/mate understands what you are trying to say.

             The article talks about a “phenomenon [they have dubbed] closeness-communication bias” (as cited in Anonymous, 2011). This term describes people that are close to each other and have taken for granted the notion that the other person understands what they are saying. This type of miscommunication can cause many problems in a relationship. Professor Kenneth Savitsky describes the problem by saying “You get rushed and preoccupied and you stop taking the perspective of the other person, precisely because the two of you are so close” (as cited in Anonymous, 2011).

When two people are in a close relationship, especially for many years, they learn a lot about each other and may start to assume things about one another. Yet, we need to bear in mind that people change over the years; therefore even if one made an assumption about their spouse that had been right for many years, they could be wrong now. Being in a good relationship takes a lot of work, and part of that work is constantly learning more about each other; miscommunication can get in the way of that.

In the textbook, Making Connections: Understanding Interpersonal Communication, chapter one describes that “meaning is not in the word itself; meaning is in the person (Sole, 2011). This means that one word can mean a completely different thing to two different people, which can make communication very complicated if one is not careful.

Let’s look at an example; Krystal has had many communication problems with her fiancé. For one example Krystal’s fiancé, Jeff, will say to her “I am going to the gas station to grab a pack of smokes”; Krystal then assumes that Jeff is going to the gas station and then coming back. The gas station is about a mile away and sometimes Jeff is gone for more than an hour. The miscommunication here is that Krystal is assuming that because he only said he was going to the gas station that would mean that that was the only place he was going to go.

There are a few different things that could be done to avoid this miscommunication. For one, Krystal could ask Jeff if he is only going to the gas station, or if there were other places that he planned to stop as well. This way she would be verifying what she heard and making sure that she understood what he was saying, rather than just assuming that what she heard was correct. Another way could be for Jeff to be clearer about where he is planning to go, to avoid unnecessary worry on Krystal’s part, which could lead to an argument.

Miscommunication goes both ways, and needs to be avoided by both parties in a conversation. As a receiver, double checking to be sure that we understand is a quick and simple way to avoid miscommunication. As a sender, we need to be sure that we are communicating fully in a way that can be understood. Communication is a very important factor in relationships and should be worked at continuously; the benefits will be well worth the work.

References

Anonymous. (2011, January 24). Close Relationships Sometimes Mask Poor Communication. US News and World Report. Retrieved from http://health.usnews.com/health-news/family-health/brain-and-behavior/articles/2011/01/24/close-relationships-sometimes-mask-poor-communication.

Sole, K. (2011). Making Connections: Understanding Interpersonal Communication. San Diego, CA: Bridgepoint Education.